By Akut Francis
Of course it is true that my religio-colonial oppression ‘names’ is Benjamin or Jacob or Francis, for that matter. these are names I take ages to remember as mine.
It is however not true that I hold a Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D) degree or that I am a medical doctor. And as yet, no respectable University in our rain-beaten third planet Earth has yet found any reason to express the sycophancy ‘admit-me’ to a Degree of Doctor of Whatever ‘Honoris Causa’. I am, simply, uninfluential!
The right prefix to address me officially with would be ‘Mr.’, or, per my ‘professional ability’, ‘WriTeacher’. Though I am immensely okay with a simple ‘Akut-Francease’. If you really, really feel like you have breath and a few winks to waste and need to ‘mightily’ call me as your head touches the ground and tail up, then you can apply my spirit name: Nyanjuur or Wango Benjamin!
But if you sadly fall ill or break your skull or by an STI, please don’t “Dr. Akut” me! For then our relationship will be a foolish dabbling in quackery, and you will die. Lol. You call me ‘Dr.’ at your own material and physical and mental and shameful risk, and management will not take any responsibility for injury etcetera etcetera.
If you really wanna engage me in a learning deep dive in a field I am bigly bright and good at, then ask me about Deng the Randy frog, Nora the green slay grass snake or X the Chameleon.